After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
