After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
