you didnt know i had herpes?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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