just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
