OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
