Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize