Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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