i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
