Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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