beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
