My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
