Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
