careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize