We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Michael Bay diarrhea
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
