whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there was a trapeze. enough said
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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