So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
