Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
