I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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