i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
