he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
