No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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