Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
