Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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