She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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