The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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