Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
