I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
