man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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