The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
