I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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