My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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