I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
