Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so let's talk penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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