Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize