I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
