Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
