Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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