Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
