I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
