Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
