I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
