Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
