there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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