Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
