You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
