Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
