I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
