my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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