I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
