Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
