And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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