none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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