where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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