im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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