you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
