Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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