that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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