it wasn't lemon gatorade
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
