Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
