I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
