I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I believe in your delicious
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
